Newspaper Articles!

Good news for my awareness raising crusade; my story was printed in four newspapers last week.

The story was centred on the leg lengthening surgery I had, and the fact I could wear high shoes thereafter.

View the full Daily Mail article here

I'm beyond appreciative for this publicity, and I can only hope that at least one young girl with scars/disabilities saw the article and felt a little better about herself. Although the focus may seem a tad superficial, body confidence is what I'm all about. I'm beginning to love myself, and it's so freeing. Once you realise that you're the most important person in your life, you start to treat yourself with kindness. You wouldn't dare speak to anyone like you speak to yourself, would you? 

I spent so long being angry at myself, criticising myself everyday, yelling insults within my own mind. Would you spend every waking moment telling someone that they're ugly? Worthless? That no one cares about them? That their legs-after going through so much- should be covered and ashamed of? That would be disgusting, and we get enough hate without being our own worst enemy.

There have been certain influences in my life that support these harsh views of myself, but I realise now that I'm stronger than they are, and I can overcome it personally, without the need to treat them in the same manner. I made so many harsh comments in reaction to people telling me that my legs are ugly etc, especially focused on people's obvious insecurities (like their weight) and I still hold these with me, regretting every one of them. Reacting to negativity with negativity solves nothing, but it's so easy to do. If people make comments now I usually just smile and repeat their statement in a questioning tone, making them realise what they've actually just said. I feel this makes me feel better, and informs them on how to comment in the future. 

I can never erase the comments I made when I felt so bad about myself that I had to shoot other people down too, but accepting that they were an ignorant mistake and reflection of my own insecurities means that I've grown up, and has made me understand that I was just a mis-informed child. I know now that by accepting this, I am no longer a bitter person, and I am well equipped to deal with comments in a positive way.

I hope you're all making good progress with the journey of self-love too.

Sophie Hartley xo

The illazrov frame

Having a titanium prosthesis instead of a knee comes with a few complications. In my case, I had to have quite a few procedures due to the implications of bone growing whilst metal does not. Because I was only 8 when they found the tumor, I had obviously not hit puberty yet and so had quite a bit of growing to do. In order to combat this, the prosthesis could be lengthened a few inches by a simple operation, which I had a few times over the ages of 10-15. This evened my legs out for a while, but my left leg kept growing. Because the prosthesis could not be lengthened any further, they decided to remove the growth plates surrounding my left knee in another simple operation. However, my strong will to grow didn't seem to stop completely. This left me with one leg one inch (2.5cm) shorter than the other, causing quite a bit of pain and a very bad limp. 

So, they made the decision to stretch my actual bone, and it was quite a horrific experience. This was the period of my life in which I became severely depressed, but it had to be done.  

The whole process involved an illazrov frame:

The basic physics of this is that a set of pins pierce through the bone on either side of a clean break, which is the first step of the operation. Then the external frame is fitted with three pillars running in between the two sets of pins on circular frames. On these pillars are nuts which you tighten four times a day, every day in order to grow 1mm. So the longer the difference is between the lengths of bone, the longer you need the frame on for. You also have to wait about a month (if I remember correctly) before starting to turn the nut, and after you have lengthened it to match the difference (so in my case I only lengthened it for 25 days because 1mm = 1 day). However, my bone did not grow back at the rate it should have. This increased the time I had to have the cage on for, which was a huge trigger for my depression. I was absolutely heart broken when I went for my check up and they told me I had to keep it on for another month. 

So, to explain this part of my treatment better, I have a timeline of photos for you guys. 

1. An x-ray of my legs with the inch difference between left and right. 

(Look at the middle of my knee, it's the easiest point of comparison)

2. My legs the day before the operation. July 4th 2012.

3. The day of the operation. July 5th 2012.

4. Two months later, the start of sixth from with some unique tights. September 2012.

5. Jeans!

6. Just after I'd finished lengthening the 25mm. 

Waiting for the bone to grow back and fill in the inch gap. Septmeber 2012.

7. FINALLY the day of the operation to remove the frame. November 30th 2012.

8. The day after the operation. Complications. 

My bone had not grown back strong enough for me to have a below-the-knee cast.

This is what they tried to avoid by keeping the frame on longer but sadly it did not work. 

9. Getting a below the knee cast. January 2013.

10... No more casts! June 2013.

11. On the inside: two legs the same length :) 

And that was that. One year and a pair of straight legs.

Sophie xo