Physical vs Emotional

In today's world, internalising emotions is an accepted way to deal with them. This is such a destructive coping strategy that it actually causes more damage mentally than showing emotion in ways we have deemed unacceptable, e.g. crying at work or having angry outbursts. It also allows people to slip through the net of mental health care, because if you say you are fine, they will think that you're fine. This is what happened to me. I was too young to understand and thought that any mention of being sad would be rejected, after everyone had told me how lucky I was to survive. I kept thinking that I should be happy, I should be happy that I survived and I should be happy everyday that I'm alive because so many people didn't have the opportunity.

However, trying to make yourself feel happy will not result in happiness. I just acted happy to hide the sadness inside. In my mind being given the all clear was like this big, shimmering horizon where all my dreams would come true, and for a while, it was. Then life started to become routine. I went to school, we were a normal family, my hair grew back, I was ok. But I wasn't ok, I was far from ok. I don't understand why people thought that having cancer as a child wouldn't have a huge impact on my emotional state. I think it's because people see it as a good, that I survived cancer, and forgot that I actually had cancer. 

So once I was ok physically, my aftercare was to stop. But I needed more. I needed someone to talk me through what I was feeling and why. It was 7 years later that I finally got the help I needed. 

What I'd love people to become more aware of through reading my blog is that mental and emotional care and aftercare of cancer patients is just as important as physical care. My goal is for every survivor of childhood cancer to be enrolled in a talking therapy programme to help them deal with the trauma they've experienced. 

Sophie xo